Stay With Me
by StarBright18
Summary: Yep, it's another fic about Alec and Magnus after the events in COLS but with a twist! Please give this a chance. Summery is horrible but I don't want to give away spoilers! Please Read and Review!


Stay With Me

**Okay so I know I probably should be working on When They Had Eternity but honestly I have horrible writers block and I've been wanting to write about something like this for a long time. I know there are many stories out there like this one but this completely original and I have not copied anyone it just is simply similar to many many stories on this subject. **

**IF YOU HAVE NO READ CITY OF LOST SOULS YET THEN PLEASE DO NOT READ UNLESS YOU WANT TO SPOIL IT FOR YOURSELF. **

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**LAST WARNING**

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**Okay you have been warned.**

**This takes place a few weeks after Alec and Magnus break up.**

**Another warning!**

**Trigger Waning: Self harm, self-punishment, relapse, nightmares drugs. Sorry if I missed anything. I don't think I did though. **

**I would also like to say that I would not write about content like this if I had not personally experienced it. I have self-harmed before, I have self-punished before, I have relapsed before, and I have had horrible nightmares for month's one end before. So again I will not write about such content if I have no experienced. Also I know some might say I am looking for attention, I am not. I'm not that type of person. So if you have any issues with that fact please feel free to message and we can talk. **

**The **_**italics**_** are flash backs and the "voices" in Alec's head. **

**To avoid confusion near the end the POV switches from Alec's to everyone's. If you get confused with who is who message me and I will explain. **

**Cassandra Clare owns everything. Disclaimer this, disclaimer that. **

**Okay! Enough of me talking. Got your tissue box ready. Cause…..here…..we…..go!**

(Alec POV)

"Alec! Alec wake up!" Jace screams in my ear effectively waking me.

I jolt awake, a sheen of sweat covers me from my torso up.

"What? What's wrong?" I ask frantically and confused

"I should be the one asking you that. You were thrashing and screaming again." Jace tells me with concern brimming in his eyes.

"Oh. Sorry I woke. I didn't mean too." I tell him ashamed.

"I thought you were okay now? The Brothers cleared you right?" He asks

I just nod my cheeks coloring.

"Are you going to be okay?" Jace asks out of genuine concern.

I nod again keeping my eyes down not willing to meet his.

"Okay." Jace say as he removes himself from my bed and leaves.

"Is he okay?" I hear Clary's small tired voice ask from the hall.

"He just had a bad dream Baby. He'll be okay. At least I hope." I hear Jace poorly assure her.

I listen for a reply but all I hear is their bedroom door shutting quietly.

I sigh and move to get out of bed, but I only make it to the edge before I break. My fingers tangling in my black locks on their own accord. I just sit on the edge reliving my nightmare. It's the same one every night. It hurts more every night and I'm left like this. Ragged and broken.

"_Aku cinta kamu." Magnus says _

"_What does that mean?" I ask _

"_It means I love you. Not that it changes anything." Magnus replies. _

"_But if you love me…" My voice shakes_

"_Of course I do. More than I thought I would. But we're still done. It doesn't change what you did." His voice accusatory _

"_It was one mistake. One mistake…" I plead_

"_One mistake? That's like calling the maiden voyage of the Titanic a minor boating accident. Alec, you tried shorting my life." He says sarcastically _

"_It was just…she offered, but I thought about it and I couldn't go through with it…I couldn't do that to you." I try to explain. _

"_But you had to think about it. And you never mentioned it to me. You didn't trust me. You never have." His voice echoes without emotion _

"_I do…I will…I'll try. Give me another chance." I pleaded my voice thick with emotion. _

"_No." Magnus says harshly. _

A rage begins to course through my veins at the memory of that horrible night, the anger seizes my heart and I have to clench my teeth so I don't scream out in anger.

Damn Camille. I bet she knew something like this would happen. Why couldn't I have just ignored her? Why couldn't I have kept my mouth shut? Why couldn't I have just trusted Magnus?

I grab the glass of water on my bedside table, standing as I hurl it at the wall. I watch it shatter and the water dripping down the wall. This just angers me more. I squeeze my eyes shut and pull at my hair, fighting for control.

When I finally calm down enough, I let my arms drop to my sides, I open my eyes and stare at the mess of glass on the floor. The moonlight that comes through the window, reflects off the glass, it shines like a wink. As if the glass is mocking me and daring me.

My anger increases tenfold. Grabbing the largest piece I see and stalk into my bathroom. I feel the sting of the glass cutting into my palm but I'm too far gone to care. I squeeze it harder until I feel the blood drip down my hand.

I enter the bathroom, not bothering to even turn on the light. I don't want to see what I have become; I've become unrecognizable.

I press my back against the cool hard wall and slide down. My anger goes as quickly as it came. It morphs into the aching depression that seizes my heart and sits in the pit of my stomach. I've become accustomed to this. The anger, the depression, the guilt. The sad part is I know I deserve it. I deserve to feel this way. I made my bed and now I must sleep in it, though now I never can wake up. I'm tangled in the sheets, trapped under the suffocating blankets and here I'll stay. Why? Because I did this to myself.

I sit quietly letting the emotions crush me.

"_You did this to yourself _

_You're a pathetic excuse for a life_

_You're not any good to anyone_

_You're worthless _

_You're not good enough _

_You're all alone_

_No one cares _

_You're disgusting" _

The words echo through my head. I don't know why they come up. I already know that I am all of those things.

I slowly open my hand with the glass in it. My entire hand aches from being clenched so hard. The dried blood cracks open again and the stinging returns. I set the glass down, and strip off my pajama pants. I won't make the same mistakes as I did the first time.

With the little moonlight that streams in through the window I am able to see the wide, long marks that line my wrists and up my forearm and stop at the bend of my arm they are all perfectly horizontal.

These are the marks from when I first started. I am I proud of them? No, I am ashamed of them because I was so careless to hide them. I wore long sleeves, and hid them but it really was only a matter of time. I didn't think to heal myself or even to lock my door when I was in the process. I caused my entire family pain that only I should have been feeling. Now I know what I am doing.

_You deserve to feel that pain. _

My mind echoes and I pick up the rather large shard of glass. I line it up on my thigh and press down dragging it toward the middle of my legs.

I stop, when I realize that the glass isn't doing justice and has barely made a scratch. I toss it somewhere and reach for my guilty pleasure.

It catches the light just as the glass though the metallic sheen makes it look less innocent than that of the clear glass.

I line the blade of the dagger with the scratch I just made and dig it deeper. Feeling the hot splash of my blood makes me sigh in relief, though when it beings to trickle I feel the urge to keep going. So just under the first cut I sink the blade into my flesh and feel the warmth spread. After a couple more it's as if there are rings of fire around my thigh. Relish in the fire, though it's quickly going out.

I stop before I decide if I want to continue on. I feel like I'm on a high. A really good high that you can only get in the Opium Dens in the South End of the city. To say the least I happen to be a regular customer.

The fire begins to extinguish itself sooner than I had hoped.

_What's a few more? _

The voice echoes again. I know the voice. I belongs to Magnus, the harsh cruel voice he has that night. Laughing as I walked away dead inside.

I decide to attack my hips next spreading the warmth to my shivering, pale body. Once the fire is set, I relish in it.

All too soon dawn begins to break, and I heal myself quickly. Leaving the mess of blood and glass to clean later I lock my bedroom door and head down to breakfast where I will pretend to eat.

"Good morning Church." I say as I step out.

All I get in response is a head rub against my leg and a meow. I smile down at the old cat. I've always talked to Church about my problems even the ones I have now.

_I walk through the door soaking wet and freezing. I feel dead. I wish I was,_

_All the lights are off and I assume everyone is asleep. Why would anyone be awake at this horrible hour? Oh right the horrible, lying boyfriend. Not even boyfriend, just a screw up. _

_I make my way blindly to my room not even noticing the kind shadow that had been following me. I enter my room and flop myself down onto my bed not caring if I'd ruin the blankets. Burying my head into the pillows, I feel a warm fuzzy body next to mine. _

_Church and I have always had an oddly close bond with each other. The cat somehow knows whenever I'm upset or down. _

"_Well Church I'm really fucked now aren't I?" I ask bringing the cat to my chest as tear finally slip out of my eyes. _

_He nuzzles my cheek as if to say it will be okay eventually. _

"_It's never going to be the same. I really fucked up this time. I don't think I'll be able to fix this one." I tell him my voice quivering. _

_I get a meow and a somewhat concerned look from him. So I launch into the story of my night. Explaining how I felt and what Magnus said. Church just stared back at me as I talked uninterrupted. Occasionally at the harder parts I would get a nuzzle or he would rub his head on my chest as if to comfort me. Once I finished with a long sigh Church meowed and licked my cheek effectively making me smile sadly._

Whether or not Church understood me that night or not he has always been there to stop my sobs, and on occasion I would wake up to him licking the cuts I had made the previous night. Why he would do that I have no idea. Maybe he's a vampire cat and is just attracted to my because of those but I think that's more of my imagination than I care to acknowledge.

As I make my way down to the kitchen I take the longest route possible hoping to avoid Jace and Clary knowing I'll get questioning stares that have always made me feel uneasy. Church makes his way next to me, but disappears when we enter the kitchen. Much to my dismay everyone is at the breakfast table even my mom.

"Good morning darling. How did you sleep?" My mom asks innocently.

"I slept well. How about you?" I say effectively keeping my voice calm as I reach for a handful of grapes, they would be easy enough to swallow.

"I slept well. Though I could have sworn that I hear someone talking upstairs last night. Clary and Jace said it wasn't them and Isabelle is at Simon's for the weekend." She tells me

I instantly give Jace a look full of hate and it actually startles him, though he recovers quickly.

"Were you up talking to someone Alec?" Mom asks when I don't respond.

"No, I was not. Though last night I did hear someone talking. It sounded like Jace. Jace were you talking to Church about you ego issues?" I say coldly

"No, Alec I wasn't. In fact I remember quiet clearly having to wake you up from a nightmare." Jace fires back smugly.

"Really because I slept quite peaceful last night. In fact I believe I heard you coming in last night. I also remember smelling the distinct smell of alcohol. You and Clary went out last night did you not?" I say quickly trying to discredit him

I smirk as Jace's eyes go up in flames. Jace and Clary did go out last night…to see her mother and Luke.

"Well whether it was you having a nightmare Alec, or you coming home drunk Jace trying not to make as much noise. Okay?" Mom asks us.

We both nod. Jace knows that I have become bitter. He's seen this side of me before though he has never been the target point. I do feel bad but at the same time I don't.

I finish my grapes quickly and leave. I straight to the training room and begin warming up. My body aches as I begin to do laps around the massive room. The jabbing pains coming from my highs and thighs are enough to groan loudly. The iratze only heals the wound, it doesn't take the pain away or erase scars. After a few laps the pain hasn't stopped and I decide to move on.

Sword fighting with a dummy isn't as fun as one might think. I'm just starting to pick my mess up quickly knowing that Jace and Clary have their own training sessions around this time. When I hear the doors fly open I groan loudly.

"You may want to keep that out because I just might make an attempt to kill you." I hear Jace growl behind me.

"Go right ahead. Make my dreams come true. I've always figured I'd die in battle or more recently by my own hand. If you're willing to do the job…well the better I guess." I say turning toward him and throwing the sword aside.

When I meet Jace's eyes the fire vanishes, he stops in his tracks.

"Alec…don't…don't talk like that." He says softly his collected facade gone.

I'm almost as shocked at his words, as he is at mine. We stand there staring at each other. This isn't the first time I've said something like this to Jace. Other times I've let accidently slip but this time it's intentional.

Though the movement is small and subconsciously done. I find Jace running his thumb over his Parabatia rune. This makes my heart ache. I have yet again made someone who shouldn't be feeling pain, feel it.

"I'm sorry. I didn't mean the words I said. I know it's a lame excuse but I am tired and didn't go back to sleep after you woke me. Thank you by the way." I say sincerely

Jace seems to be picking and choosing what he is going to say. I can almost see the gears in his head working.

"_Entreat me not to leave thee,_

_Or return from following after thee—for whither thou goest, I will go,_

_And where thou lodgest, I will lodge." _He recites

"_Thy people shall be my people, and thy God my God. _

_Where thou diest, will I die, and there will I be buried. _

_The Angel do so to me, and more also, if aught but death part thee and me"_ I immediately finish.

He gives a small smile and just like that I am forgiven though I still feel guilty. I know sadly that it wouldn't be enough to make me stay.

"I actually came up to tell you that we're needed somewhere." Jace informs me

"How soon do we need to leave?" I ask not wanting to go

"Like right now. Come on." Jace says pulling me out

"I'm not feeling the best I think I will stay here. You, and Clary can handle it I'm sure." I say with fake confidence.

"Alec you haven't gone out hunting with us since…since…since forever." Jace says trying not to mention the dreaded date.

And just like that the pain from that night is crushing. I feel myself physically flinch, my chest caves in as the air in my lung disappears, and tears prick my eyes.

"Alec?" Jace says concerned.

"Umm…I…I…I. Can you give me a second?" I ask on the verge of collapsing in emotional and physical pain.

"No, we've got to leave now and you're not skipping out on us this time." Jace says tugging me along.

Taking a few deep breaths doesn't help much but I can manage. When we reach the main floor Clary quickly Marks Jace and I. Her gentleness always surprises me. Once we're in full gear Jace hails us a cab. Our glamor's making us look like normal teenagers, so the cabbie doesn't question us.

As we head to our destination the scenery becomes very familiar. Painfully familiar.

"Jace why are we in Brooklyn?" I ask with anger tinting my voice.

When I get no response, a wave of anger sweeps over me. I immediately know that there is more than just us being called to deal with a situation.

The cab pulls up to what looks like an abandoned gas station but is really a huge house in full party mode. Clary quickly pays and thanks the cabbie as we exit the germ bin. I glance over at Jace who waits for Clary. I decide just to get this over with and head toward the house. I open the door and enter. I get scared stares and honestly it doesn't bother me like it used too. It makes me feel powerful in away. I knew how I looked, I had been told many times that when I was determined to do something, I looked angry and power hunger which is exactly how I felt at the moment. My blue eyes set ablaze, my black hood up, and my messy black locks adding the touch of wicked that I felt.

I looked around the room, immediately spotting the reasons we were called. I'd let Clary and Jace take care of that one. I looked up the open top floor, my eyes searching. When I spotted who I had been looking for a wicked smile crept up onto my face. As I make my way up the stairs I kept my head up. Feeling the worried stares made me stand up straighter.

I knew this wasn't me but this is what the pain had turned me into. A monster. I walked up to the one I had hoped was here.

"Aemilio." I say in greeting.

"Alec, I was wondering when your kind would show up. The pest has been causing quite the trouble. Though I wasn't sure if you would show. Everyone seems to think that you had come to the darker side." He laughs his purple irises and electric blue pupils glimmering. His only warlock trait.

"I'm already half way there." I chuckle.

"I assume that you've come to see me for what you normally do." He sighs as if bored

"Just a few. I'll be in later think week to get my full order. I will pay for today when I come in. You have my word." I tell him

"You're lucky your word is as good as money. Normally I wouldn't do this. As long as I have your word." He says

I simply nod. He hands me a small bag of what looks like a cigarette. They are in a way, they have tobacco, and some other mix of horrible things.

"You got a light?" I ask

Aemilio hands me a lighter and I light up my escape.

"When did you decide to reveal your addiction?" He asks me

"When I stopped caring if I lived or died." I tell him plainly

He shakes his head and laughs. I inhale the tainted smoke and feel some of my chains break. It had been too long since I had a smoke like this. I had run out about 2 days ago and with carelessness I forgot to send word or go to see Aemilio. He couldn't get my order ready for a few days as usual. I'd been "Suffering" the past 2 days. Normally if I light up before I sleep the nightmares stay away longer, thus the reason I has a nightmare so early last night.

"So are you leaving the dirty work to your comrades?" Aemilio asks me suddenly with concern.

I look down to the main floor and see Clary and Jace in over their heads.

"I will see you no later than Wednesday. Now if you'll excuse me." I say as I trade the bag for a blade quickly as the scene below me worsens.

Opting out the stair as they would take too long, I jump the banister. As soon as swing my body over I hear a familiar gasp, and a quiet call of my name that couldn't be Aemilio. I hit the ground in a crouch snapping my head up to take in my surroundings. I didn't both to look up to see who had gasped, I slowly stood up with a blade in my dominate hand and my smoke in the other. There was no way I was letting it go to waste the shit's expensive.

I inhaled as I stalked up to my prey and everyone parted has if I was diseased. Hell, I probably was in away. It almost felt like a dream, I surprised my prey as I stabbed it through the heart from behind its shoulder. Arching my blade, driving it home in another, and inhaling more as I watched it disappear.

"Alec!" I hear Clary shriek

I feel the hair on the back of next stand up and I pin around just in time to drive my blade into the heart of the last of the pests. I blow smoke into its face and laugh as it shrieks.

After pulling my blade out, I look up to see a very shocked Jace and a staring Clary.

"Clary dearest it's not polite to stare." I whisper in her face

She blushes and I smile. I pat Jace on the cheek and he looks at me as if I'm someone different. Right now I am. I realize that it's not just them that's staring everyone is looking on as well.

"My good party goers! The pests have been taken care of. I wish you the best of the rest of your night! To the host I am very sorry to interrupt your lovely party! Please party on!" I shout

"Yes, it was very rude to interrupt and kill my uninvited guest." A velvet voice comes from the stairs.

My head snaps to sound of rainbows and glitter. My eyes go wide when I realize who it is, and it registers that it was the one who has gasped as well. How caring…

I quickly regain my composer as I puff on my smoke.

"Clary, Jace it's nice to see you." He says smiling

"Alec." He just says meeting my eyes that still ablaze.

Not Alexander, just Alec. That hurt worse than his concerned stare. I let out the smoke in my lungs.

"Jace, Clary I would like to speak with you. Privately." He says each word crushing my heart

Of course they go to him and they all leave. Everyone seemed to go back to what they had been doing.

"My friends consider what I gave you tonight as a gift." Aemilio says coming from behind me

"No I will pay you gave you my word." I tell him.

"No, after what I just saw, you need it more than I need the money. I will see you Wednesday my friend. Stay strong." Aemilio tells me.

I had opened up to Aemilio one night when I was to high off my ass to realize what I was saying. He had listened and he didn't make fun or say I was pathetic. He simply listened.

"I haven't been strong for a while Aemilio." I say quietly.

He pats me on the back and leaves. I begin to feel the chains reattaching themselves and I suddenly have no interest in being at the party. So I quietly slip out.

Something feels as if its changed but I'm so far gone at this point that I don't care. I begin to walk and I don't look back.

(Magnus POV)

When I woke up this morning I knew it was going to be a bad day. I should just cancel the party and push it back until tomorrow and combine the parties. I had gone over to my other location to set up the different lights, and decorations the previous night. I never changed it much, but in the past months it's been a one non-stop party. It keeps my mind off or certain…things…more like a certain person. But I couldn't dwell on that. He made his choice.

I decided to go ahead with the party, it would be just as much if not more work to cancel. Though as the time of the party I kept on feeling stranger and stranger. I hadn't eaten anything unusual.

"Do you feel that Chairman?" I ask my cat

I get an uninterested meow in response. I shake my head, I guess that's what I get for talking to cats all day.

Once guests started arriving I quickly forgot about the strange feeling, until it hit me later that night. It hit me hard. I thought I should go lay down, and was on my way to tell Aemilio that he could take charge for the rest of the night when the door opened. All the guests has arrived hours ago, and no one would be that late. That would be unfashionable.

My eyes almost popped out of my skull when I say who it was, and my heart fluttered as it always had for him.

He looked different but the same. In fact he looked terrifying in that moment as he scanned the main floor. I saw his eyes lock on what he was looking for. I half expected to see Isabelle in her white dress but it startled me even more when I saw him look up.

His beautiful eyes were a raging fire, I would have quickly dismissed him if I hadn't noticed the dark bruise looking circle under those beautiful eyes of his. This actually scared me a lot. I looked past the wicked look he had on his face. That wasn't my Alexander. Not at all. He was much skinnier, the bruise looking circles and his hair though mostly covered by his hood was a mess.

His eyes were searching for someone specifically and when they locked on Aemilio I grew concerned and was hurt. Had he moved on?

_What are you thinking? He betrayed you. Get your head out of your ass and get over him already _

I had to tell myself that every day and it hadn't worked. It never did.

I stilled when he was half way up the stairs and stepped into the shadows, the ocean of his eyes looked terrifying. What had happened to him? This wasn't the Alexander Lightwood I knew, had loved, still loved.

He walked right past me and over to Aemilio.

"Aemilio" I heard him greet.

"Alec, I was wondering when your kind would show up. The pest has been causing quite the trouble. Though I wasn't sure if you would show. Everyone seems to think that you had come to the darker side." I hear Aemilio laugh

"I'm already half way there." My ears perking up at his sweet voice.

As they continue on I realize why Alec has come to Aemilio. It crushed my heart when I heard him say that he would pick up his order later that week.

"When did you decide to reveal you addiction?" Aemilio asks

"When I stopped caring if I lived or died." Alec answers plainly.

In that moment I wanted to take him into my arms and make him all better. When I smell the tainted smoke I immediately know what Aemilio meant when he mentioned addiction. It's true that Shadowhunters have much higher tolerance for drugs and alcohol but what Alec was now smoking was one of the most addictive things that the Shadowhunters could get their hands on. I've seen it kill Shadowhunters in the past due to overdosing. Why was Alec using? What happened to him? I had to find out. I was just about to step out of the shadows when I saw Alec jump the banister and I couldn't help but gasp out his name. I ran over to the edge and looked down. Stupidly hoping he would look up. He didn't though but what I saw complete crushed me if I hadn't been crushed before. Whenever he lifted his arms his sleeves and hem of his shirt would raise and when I caught glimpses of his skin all I saw were angry red/purple mark marring his skin. They weren't like normal rune scares this I knew he had done himself they were all perfectly horizontal. Tears pricked my eyes before knew it they were running down my eyes. What happened to my beautiful boy?

_He isn't yours anymore. Remember?_

I heard him addressing the crowd and I quickly composed myself. When I stepped out and greeted Jace and Clary, then Alec. When I said his nickname it was like his whole facade fell apart and I saw everything. I saw the anguish, the pain, the guilt, the self-loathing, and his love for me that he still held onto. He looked crushed, and I could see him digging deep into himself to hide when I asked to talk to Jace and Clary. They didn't look pleased to see me.

"What do you want?" Jace asked as soon as the room's door had closed.

"What happened to him" I demand.

"To Alec?" Clary clarifies

"Yes to Alec. What happened to him?" I ask hurriedly

"You happened." Jace says accusingly

"What do you mean I happened? I certainly have not seen him in almost 4 months." I say defending myself

"That's what happens when the love of your life doesn't let you tell your side of the story. When demanding an explanation one normally waits to her it all, but you are not normal." Clary say simply

"I did let him explain and he –"I'm cut off by Jace

"No you didn't and you know it." Jace shouts.

I am at lost for words.

"Yo should see what you have done to him Magnus." Jace says on the verge of tears

I still can't come up with words

"He hardly ever eats, he has dreams of the night you both broke up and he cries out for you Magnus. I can't bare to listen to it so every night I shake him away, and he's a mess. He wakes up sweating, shaking, and crying." Jace yells

"He did that to himself. He betrayed me." I say bitterly

Jace's eyes go up in flames

"He want to die Magnus. He want to kill himself. He has tried. Do you know what it's like to find your brother in his bathroom laying in a puddle of his own blood and not knowing if he would ever wake up? Why don't I go get him and have him undress so you can see all the scars? They are everywhere Magnus…his torso, his arms, his hips, his thighs. He's punishing himself, he smokes that crap because he just want to feel pain free and keep the nightmares away for however long his high lasts." Jace says in a scary calm

I'm at loss for words. How did this happen? The sad part is I know how.

"He wants to die Magnus….and I can't save him. I won't be able to save him next time." Jace say with tears finally slipping out.

I stare in awe

"You know what he told me a long while ago before any of this happened? He told me couldn't see a future without you. As long as he had you he wouldn't mind getting old. He told me he was going to tell you that he truly loved you and worst thing is he still does. He was going to the subway to turn Camille down. He couldn't do it. He knew all along that he would be able to do it. He was content with having you for the remainder of his life. He knew that you would eventually move on after he died of old age and he was okay with that." Jace explains.

My heart breaks. Why hadn't I let him tell his side? How could I be so blind?

"That was the night your broke up. I found him that night in his room talking to Church soaking wet. Alec knows he fucked up. Please stop punishing him for it. You will end up killing him. Please just talk to him…please." Jace pleaded with me

I was just about to say I would when Jace dropped to his knees and let a painful groan out. He was clutching his forearm. When he let go, there was a rune that was out lined in red.

"What does that mean?" I ask concerned

"He's dying. He's dying!" Jace screams

I don't have to know who's dying, I already know. Before I comprehend it Jace is running out the door and out of the house. Clary dash after him.

"Hold on Alec please hold on." I whisper plead.

(Alec POV)

I don't know where I'm going I just know it's going to be my last. This is my last walk through Brooklyn. My last everything. Magnus didn't love me anymore, he didn't care. That was enough to push me over the edge. I wanted to die and this time Jace wouldn't be able to save me.

I soon find myself at Central Park and go to the hidden spot Magnus and shared countless times. When I get there I sit and pull out the picture of Magnus in Paris that I carry everywhere I go. I gently kiss it and smile remembering the good times we had together. But that was past now, and Magnus had moved on.

I reopened the gash on my palm and held onto the picture. My heart suddenly swelled with anger. Why couldn't I move on? Oh, right because I love Magnus still and my unrequited love for him will die with me.

Out of anger I lashed out and opened a fairly large gash on my thigh. I was deep than I had meant but I was beyond caring. I just wanted to be rid of this pain and guilt. I could feel the blood making my pants slick. There was quite a bit.

After sitting for a while I decided to just get it over. However I didn't want to die quickly. I wanted to feel the life leaving me. Like if I had taken Magnus's immortality away. So I made a fairly deep cut towards the lower half of my torso. It was deep enough that I wouldn't die quickly, but just enough that the blood would seep out without clotting.

I laid down on the soft grass and began running through all my happy memories with Magnus as I looked up at the stars. I could feel myself slipping away. There was black edges around my field of visions and I was shivering. I was so cold. Impossibly cold. My field of vision kept getting darker and darker until I just ended up closing my eyes.

I knew I was at a critical point somehow and I was still running my mind through the memories. I almost could hear Magnus's voice. It was getting louder and louder. So I decided I would open my heavy eyes. Here I wanted to die in piece and probably some kids were messing around getting drunk. Opening my eyes was a real struggle I almost gave but then I caught a glimpse of glitter.

"Alec? Alec? Can you hear me?" I hear Magnus ask

I look up and he's right above me.

"Magnus…" I say

"I'm right here. Can you stay with me? You need to stay with me okay?" He demands.

"I'm so sorry Magnus. I…I…didn't want to." I say now gasping for air.

"Shh Baby. I know you're sorry and I forgive you." He tells he sincerely

"Yo...You…you do?" I stutter as a shiver racks my body

"Yes, I do. I'm so sorry I didn't listen to you that night. Can you ever forgive me?" He pleads

All I can do is nod my head. I won't be able to be save at this point I've lost too much blood.

"Thank you Baby. We're going to get you all fixed. Okay?" Magnus tries to reassure me

All I do is shake my head. I don't want to be fixed. I'm broken beyond repair and I have had enough.

"Yes, just keep your beautiful eyes open for a little longer. Can you do that for me? Please?" Magnus begs

I comply as long as I am able to. Just before I feel myself fall I look at him.

"I love you. I was content with having you until I died of old age. I wasn't going to accept." I tell Magnus.

He just nods

"I love you Magnus. I never stopped. Be happy move on from me. Just will you look after my family please?" I request.

"I will if I have too Alexander, but you'll be back with them in no time." He tells me smiling

"I love you. Please don't forget." I whisper with my last breath

(Third Person)

"I won't. Stay with me Alec! Alec!" Magnus screams

"Alec! Please! Alec!" Magnus continues.

Jace stands off to the side tears running down his face as his Parabatia rune fades painfully into the white lacy scar he's so familiar with. Dropping to his knee Jace begins to sob.

"I'm so sorry I couldn't save you this time Alec!" Jace sobs.

Clary hurries over to Jace to comfort him but he just pushes her way. She knows that he needs space. A few of her own tears spill out for Alec. Clary glances over to where Magnus is curled around Alec sobbing.

They had gotten to him too late. Alec was gone. Clary took a few steps closer to Magnus, there was something strange about Alec's body. The blood around him had a goldish tint to it. _How odd_ Clary thought. She walked closer to them, it was light a faint glow of light surround Alec's body. Then she saw that the gash on his thigh had healed, and so had the one on his torso. What was going?

(Alec POV)

"I won't. Stay with me Alec! Alec!" Those were the last words I heard.

Had I died? I felt myself slip so I must be.

"Alexander Lightwood." A deep voice called

Everything was pitch back. Except for a gold light in front of me. It was getting bigger and bigger.

"Alexander Lightwood. Why are you hear?" The light asked

I…I…I…ummm?" Words failed me

"It is not you time yet. It will come but don't rush it. Go back to where you are loved and wanted." The voice said

"How?" I asked

"Just as you came closer go back." The voice said simply.

I nodded my head. The voice wasn't a voice you would want to mess with.

"Magnus?" I called out

"Jace?"

I started moving back away from the light however that worked. Soon my eyes were fluttering open and I could see the stars again. Someone was shaking me and the person was glittery

"Magnus." I called again

His head lifted and I saw his beautiful face even if his makeup was running he still was beautiful.

"Magnus." I said quieter.

"Alec?" He questioned.

I suddenly hear a girly scream come from Clary who happened to be behind Magnus.

"Clary." I manage

"Alec!" She says smiling and runs over to where I assume only Jace could be.

"Alec?" Magnus says in awe.

"Hey." I say sheepishly

Magnus pulls me into this arms, wrapping himself around me.

"I'm so sorry. So sorry." He repeats

"No, I should be the one who is saying that." I whisper in his ear.

He shakes his head tears running down his face onto my shirt.

"Well talk about this later." He concurs

I nod my head and smile.

"But for now just stay with me alright?" He demands more than asks

"I won't go anywhere." I say

Thank you, thank you. I hope you all review thank you for reading let me know what you thought! I love getting feedback! I will be updating When They Had Eternity very soon. The next chapter is half written. It will hopefully be up by Friday. I hope. If you want outtakes of certain parts do let me know and I will see what I can pull together!

Until next time

-Cass;*


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